It was the perfect storm of sport viewing. The AFL is mid-season and England is hosting Game 3 of the Ashes Test Match Cricket and also week one of the most prestigious tennis tournament, Wimbledon. Starting at 8pm on Friday night, the pinnacle of Cricket, Aussie Rules Football and Tennis was live on free-to-air TV.
The pinnacle of any sport can be viewed as the ultimate in human endeavour or as a bunch of adults dressing up and playing children’s games. The key to keeping the suspension of disbelief alive in sports fans is the commentating. Commentators are so caught up in their isolated world of professional sport they seem to live within the movement of each play and can have the ability to transport the viewer through history and the player’s minds.
With all three sports still front of mind I made my way to the kitchen Saturday morning…
[Flick: Test Match Cricket]
Welcome to what will surely be an enthralling morning of tea making. As the opener makes his way to the kitchen bench we’re grateful for perfect tea making conditions. The covers have been on all night but thankfully we’re ready to get proceedings underway on time this morning.
Joining me in the commentary box is Michael “Toggs” Blandsmith. What are you expecting from the first session today Toggles?
Thanks Rich. I just have to say, what a special kitchen to pour a cup of tea in. So much history. So many unforgettable cuppas across the years. No doubt Stuie will be feeling a little nervous, as I was back in my day, but I’m sure that once the kettle boils the nerves will settle and we will see some fantastic tea making. He’s been in great form this season and produced some of the all time classic individual cups. If he can put all the off-kitchen drama to one side and focus on the tea making, a skill that he has mastered like few others in history, we really could be in for something special.
Let’s try and leave that off-kitchen elephant in the corner for now and concentrate on why we’re here. Tea making of the standard Stuart can produce is a fluid display of the very essence of what it is to be human. The danger, the timing, the decision making under immense pressure honed over a lifetime of dedication to his craft elevates Stuart to peaks of human achievement that only the greats of our game can know.
Each time I watch this man steep and stir my heart sings knowing Robert Fortune himself would have a smile on his face waiting politely to utter the immortal words, “I’ll take mine with milk.”
Indeed. And here we go. Stuart fills the kettle, just short of the max and places on the element. You can here the click of the on switch in the audio as the light comes on, but there’s nothing in that. The water murmours at first, now a low rumble, the first bubbles and another loud click as the kettle switches off! Goodness me, you can feel the tension all over the kitchen. What a dramatic first cup we experiencing here. Now Stuart lifts the kettle, oh no! He’s forgotten to put the tea bag in. The kettle goes back on the element as we go to the review. Peppermint? Green tea infused with orange? A risky unknown brand of black tea? No, it’s classic English Breakfast. He’s safe. The kettle is lifted once more and the boiled water flows perfectly from spout to expectant cup. Just beautiful. Now Stuart’s classic swish, swirl and steep.
Stunning. When things are flowing for Stuie I could watch all day.
If we could be so lucky. Now comes the splash of milk. Full cream as we’ve come to expect from the Saint of Ceylon.
I was referred to as the Master of the Mug once.
They got that half right, Toggles. As the tag is deftly used to squeeze the last drops of perfection into the cup we come to the end of another exquisitely made cup of tea.
[Flick: Australian Rules Football]
We’re just about set to begin the second cuppa here at the “K”. Let’s check in with the Doc before the kettle boils again.
Thanks Big Fella. There were fears of third degree scolding early in the first cuppa but thankfully all feeling appears to have returned to Stuie’s top lip and he’s good as gold for the second cup. Back to you in the studio.
Thanks Doc. Stick and stay with Cuppa.com to keep up with all the injury updates. Let’s head quickly down to Sheila at the kitchen table.
Those first sips can really sting, let me tell ya. Back to you Boufa.
Thanks for the insight Sheila. Invaluable thoughts from close to the action. What can we learn from Maccas Stats, brought you by Maccas for those who like Maccas and want more Maccas head over to Maccas.com or your nearest Maccas today to “Get more Maccas in ya.”
Low scoring first cuppa here Beef, with only one cup poured and that same cup finished.
Great work Summo, the best in the business. Stats brought to you by Maccas, “Get more Maccas in Ya.” Let’s hear quickly from the back row as Stuart flicks on the kettle.
We’re in for an absolute belter of a second cup, Bingo. Of course in our day we had to carry the boiling water up from the laundry in our bare hands, none of this modern day moddly coddling like electric kettles.
Your screams of agony still ring in my ears, Stoge. But modern times bring modern methods and of course expectations from our great sponsors like Maccas. “Get more Maccas in Ya.”
Here we go. The kettle is still bubbling as Stuart yanks it from the element, bashing into the fridge on the way to the bench. The crowd calls for a re-boil but there’s nothing doing. Steam fills the kitchen as the still bubbling water crashes into the cup, spilling plenty over the bench top as he goes. The kettle is discarded as Stuart moves back to the fridge. Half empty sauce bottles crash and tumble around inside the door. Stuart grabs the milk, slams of the fridge door and now there’s more spillage as the milk nearly misses the cup completely. The milk bottle, lid off, is left on the bench next to the steaming kettle as Stuart yanks open the top draw and snatches out a spoon. Stir, stir, stir, and SQUEEZE! What a fantastic cuppa. That should get the crowd fired up.
[Flick: Tennis]
The third round of tea making is due to get under way any minute now. We’re still waiting for some of the covers to be removed so in the mean time let’s catch up with results so far.
We’ve been keeping a close eye on Stuart who’s progressed nicely through the first two rounds. Some shaky moments here and there but over all he’s been in good form and looking likely to make a third and possibly a fourth cup of tea this morning. Stuart will be joined shortly in the kitchen, but for now, as the covers remain on, he stands alone considering how much water to put in the kettle.
We’ll take a quick break with the covers firmly on and the score at Two-Love.
